How are you?

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“How are you?”
I am fine. Except for the fact that I want to feel lonely at times, just to feel that numbness and find silence inside, I am fine.
I let people go, not because they want to, but because I want to be alone, I reply brutally or misbehave, snapping the ties, bonds that we shared. I just don’t care at times.
And some days I keep talking, trying to rejuvenate the old relations. I hit our happy moments and manipulate them into missing me. I don’t know how long this trick will work neither do I know why I let them go at first.
Somewhere I know what I do and how my childish talks hide the devil inside me, who sometimes show itself when I stand in front of the mirror and roar into the emptiness that has crept in my life.
I am fine. Except the fact that I want to stay locked in rooms for hours, all alone, and sense how my soul is all scarred, and unloved, and how it has started craving for touch. I am fine.
There are phases I feel. Some days I am strong enough to help myself, and sometimes I am just weak, in search of a shoulder to lay my head on. But then, I trust none. Everyone is a story, where I ain’t living forever. Or might have had, just don’t want to.
Then I repeat things till they become a habit, and forget to feel. Like I lose time and people, and myself frequently, and now it is nothing more than a routine. You see I am a tough guy; I don’t shed tears over it.
But then some night all these experiences set volcanoes in my heart, activates the demons inside me, who sometimes show itself when I stand in front of the mirror and roar, erupting lava from within.
I am fine. Except the fact that you don’t want to hear this all, but you have still asked how am I. You know my reply would be a lie, because I am you and you are me, and we meet every night when sleep doesn’t come on time. We sit face to face, making and eye contact and yet we lie. I have created these walls, around myself, I prefer to peep and seek, and sometimes remove some bricks, but never can I break it. You know the reason why.
It’s just how it works, I can’t even tell my image, that I am not fine.
“I am fine.”

~The Puzzle Maker©

PS: I am back. Hi.

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21 thoughts on “How are you?

  1. It wasn’t long when I noticed you weren’t around. I thought somehow my reader failed to populate your posts. God knows! Nevertheless. I ask thee – how are you? Since you were away. Your post reflects my thoughts. Sometimes, when I face a melange of trivial situations, I ask myself the same things as you’ve mirrored them here. Alas! No answers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Was not posting my articles. pages on facebook want unpublished items. after so many attempts, I am tired of trying to be published on facebook, so back on wordpress. I wrote this months ago, I feel like i write a bit better now. its always good to find someone who can relate with our thoughts, I guess many would relate with this, but being away for so long might have pissed wordpress..:P so I aint getting views…:( anyways, thanks a lot..:) Always love your comments..:)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. neither have I. just tried my luck on some famous pages. They all seem much interested in terribly tiny tales now…:( Plus my articles, i feel its for selected people..:) I was active on instagram, are you there?

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  3. Hi there.
    How are you? You probably won’t ask me the same, but I still tell you, I’m not fine, just like you. I don’t know why but I felt like stalking your blog today, probably because this is the only place left to 🙂
    But I do keep updates about you. This again is a beautifully portrait writeup.
    Keep writing. I like reading you. And happy Diwali to you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I cannot even begin to describe how much I connected with this post.. You didn’t create a puzzle, you helped me solve one of mine through this post. You have to lie that you’re fine because you’re tired of not being fine all the time.. It’s because you think you’ll convince yourself that you’re fine after saying it again and again.
    We’re all fine because it’s okay to not be fine. It’s fine to be unfine

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  5. This reminded me of a time when our professor asked us, “Class, how are you?” and condemned us for giving the standard reply, “I am fine/good.” Because, it’s true. Either we are, or we are not. And, when we are not, the other person couldn’t care less as to why. And, so the tale continues. Anyhow, great post. I like how you write. Writing which comes from the heart (whether fiction or otherwise) always sounds best, so no wonder?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Like we were trained to speak we are fine, we were trained to hide. But then it’s always a mess, it will always remain so, people have probs of their own and we can’t expect them to help, all we can do is accept that somethings happen and our moral science books were full of shit. That life won’t be fair and we can cry about it if we want, but we have to do it alone. Because it’s not a beautiful sight. Everyone is finely unfine I guess :). Anyway, thanks for visiting and complimenting 🙂 it feels good.

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