“How are you?”
I am fine. Except for the fact that I want to feel lonely at times, just to feel that numbness and find silence inside, I am fine.
I let people go, not because they want to, but because I want to be alone, I reply brutally or misbehave, snapping the ties, bonds that we shared. I just don’t care at times.
And some days I keep talking, trying to rejuvenate the old relations. I hit our happy moments and manipulate them into missing me. I don’t know how long this trick will work neither do I know why I let them go at first.
Somewhere I know what I do and how my childish talks hide the devil inside me, who sometimes show itself when I stand in front of the mirror and roar into the emptiness that has crept in my life.
I am fine. Except the fact that I want to stay locked in rooms for hours, all alone, and sense how my soul is all scarred, and unloved, and how it has started craving for touch. I am fine.
There are phases I feel. Some days I am strong enough to help myself, and sometimes I am just weak, in search of a shoulder to lay my head on. But then, I trust none. Everyone is a story, where I ain’t living forever. Or might have had, just don’t want to.
Then I repeat things till they become a habit, and forget to feel. Like I lose time and people, and myself frequently, and now it is nothing more than a routine. You see I am a tough guy; I don’t shed tears over it.
But then some night all these experiences set volcanoes in my heart, activates the demons inside me, who sometimes show itself when I stand in front of the mirror and roar, erupting lava from within.
I am fine. Except the fact that you don’t want to hear this all, but you have still asked how am I. You know my reply would be a lie, because I am you and you are me, and we meet every night when sleep doesn’t come on time. We sit face to face, making and eye contact and yet we lie. I have created these walls, around myself, I prefer to peep and seek, and sometimes remove some bricks, but never can I break it. You know the reason why.
It’s just how it works, I can’t even tell my image, that I am not fine.
“I am fine.”
~The Puzzle Maker©
PS: I am back. Hi.